i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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