Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
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She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
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Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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