I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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