She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
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THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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