my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Four minutes until I can fart!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize