Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
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Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
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Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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