i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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