I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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