You smell like a Billy Joel song
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize