and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize