I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
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I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
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And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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