i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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