if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
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Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
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You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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