Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
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I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
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He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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