That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
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Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
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A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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