yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize