omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
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I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
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Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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