whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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