I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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