My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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