Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
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I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
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THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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