Swine flu is the new snow day.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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