Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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