It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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