Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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