I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize