dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
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I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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