I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
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