I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize