I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
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He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Oh god it's open bar.
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