I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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