she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
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According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
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Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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