and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize