3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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