U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
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I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
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Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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