You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
YAS. BRING CRAB.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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