Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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