I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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