hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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