Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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