I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
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On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
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I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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