non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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