I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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