i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize