I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
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Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
This baby is an asshole
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
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Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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