Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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