Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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