Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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