Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
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Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
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Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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