you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
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Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
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I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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